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Opinions on this writing prompt?

The prompt is “You awaken with amnesia in what looks to be an igloo. You have $4 and a rock in one pocket, and a toothbrush in the other. Someone is staring at you. Write this scene.”

Hot.
I am hot. Sweat is dripping from every pore. Dripping down like water. Water? Wait.
Am I hot? A cold shiver runs down my spine. It starts out small, feels almost intentional, but flows through my entire body. I realize my teeth are chattering. I realize I am shaking.
I realize I am cold.
I want to open my eyes; figure out what in God’s name is going on. But I can’t. My head is pounding like a drum, perfectly synced with my heart. It’s dark, from what I can see. With my eyes closed.
I start to feel my body. I suppose I felt it before, but I now remember that it exists. Of course it exists. I can feel myself laying on my side, practically in the fetal position. Something is sticking into my leg. It hurts. I will myself to move my arm to my hip, and after what feels like a century, my hand is in my pocket. It’s long, slender, and hard. Soft at the end. It feels like a … toothbrush? Yes, a toothbrush. If I was confused before, this most definitely did not help. I know I must open my eyes. I first squint them as tight as I can, then attempt to separate the lids. Blurry. White. After blinking repeatedly, everything is beginning to come into focus. I turn my head slightly up, to look around. I see a figure towering over me. It’s a man. A scream writhes around in my chest and begins working up my throat,but somehow fails to escape. It’s an older man, wearing dark clothing. He’s staring at me, blankly yet inquisitively. After a while, the man apparently got bored of staring at me, or perhaps cold, and walks over to a fire that I hadn’t noticed before. I lay still for awhile, still in either shock or fear. Eventually, I sit up and pull the toothbrush from my pocket. It’s blue, clear, and looks filthy. The bristles are brown and worn. I stick my hand in my other pocket, to see if I can find anything else. Sure enough, I can feel something. Though this time it is not as easy to make out. Wadded up paper and a rock. After inspecting them with my hand, I pull them out to reveal four dollars in cash and an ordinary looking rock. I throw the rock on the ground and stick the money back in my pocket. The ground is freezing on my bare hands as I hoist myself up to my feet. Walking over to the fire, I look around at my surroundings. Ice. Ice to the left, right, above and below. I am in an igloo. An igloo? Is this some kind of sick joke? Someone must have put something in my drink. My drink. I rack my brain for a memory of a drink. Of ever drinking anything. A memory of anything at all.
Terrified. I am absolutely terrified. Not because of the man, the blood on the ice where my head was, or the absolutely insanity of my current situation. But because I have no idea who I am.
And I am cold.

So what do you think? PLEASE be honest. And let me know what to change, whether it be grammar, or something would sound better differently, or even if you think it’s cheesy. I want this to be good! Thanks.

By: Idiot kid (is female…)



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One Response to “Opinions on this writing prompt?”

  1. Fayfayee Says:

    Wow.

    I really like it! Good variety of sentence structures and your grammar sounds pretty good to me. Oh and it is NOT cheesy :) Like I said, I really like it!

    Keep up the good work! :)

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